It was the record labels’ worst fear come true: As soon as Apple weighed anchor on their DRM-free shanties, a massive pirate horde assailed the company from all sides.

Naturally, Apple’s fearless captain, Steve Jobs, appeared at the side of his schooner to hear the pirates’ demands. How many songs would it be this time? A hundred? A thousand? All of the booty in the iTunes coffers?

Nay, the bucanneers wanted no such prize. With Jobs at the point of his cutlass, Davey Jones himself revealed the object of the pirates’ desires: An iPod Shuffle that didn’t look like some landlubber’s fancy jewelry.

"All those bright, colours! Arrr, it makes a mockery of the Jolly Roger we fly about our mizzenmast. ‘Tis fine for a lass or a squiffy, but a true Jack will have none of it."

Blow me down, thought Steve. I’m used to my crew being criticized, but never for their style! There can be only one response!

And so, as legend has it, Apple bravely accepted the pirates’ demands and within a fortnight revealed a Shuffle suitable for scallywags and their ilk: The iPatch.

With easily accessible controls and earbud wires cleverly integrated into the patch’s head band, Apple had created an iPod sure to meet the needs of a lad on the account without getting him black spotted by his mateys.

Having trouble catching our drift? Cast yer deadlights on A Pirate’s Vocabulary.

And…

Happy International Talk Like A Pirate Day!